So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
