I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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