Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
