Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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