yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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