Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
