The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
