and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize