i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize