just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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