Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize