what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
