are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
