My girlfriend figured out who you are.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
