Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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