The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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