Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
