i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
