Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
