this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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