piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
