i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
