I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
