the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
