Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
