I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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