threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
