Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I believe in your delicious
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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