maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
