Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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