You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
