Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
