Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
