He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
