So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
