I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
