I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
