planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
