I accidentally burped into my bong.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
