the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
