i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
