so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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