yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize