id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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