Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
