And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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