Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
