My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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