you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
