This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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