guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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