I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We have started to decorate penises.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
