i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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