You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
