I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize