For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
