Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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