It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
smell my finger.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
