Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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