We're like a lot better than the average bears
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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