I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
