if only i could text you this smell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
