Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
