Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
