Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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