I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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