What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
