Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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