I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you.
Bad choice
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