There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
