I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize