Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
