it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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