ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
