did you get engaged???
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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