I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize