Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
