Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
