youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Damn victory sex feels great
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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