I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
