dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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