weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I cannot find my penis.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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