i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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