Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
