I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
