Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
